Muffin, and Potions, and Cackles, OH MY!
by ShinjuKuroba
Summary: A Crackfic. Very OOC Rated T because of Language. One Shot.


_**Muffin, and Potions, and Cackles, OH MY!**_

_A Crackfic._

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**DISCLAIMER:** The Characters from Harry Potter do not belong to me. Nor do any Star Wars references. SmarterChild is also not mine it is an aim bot and what I tell you here I actually found out by accident. Also any disturbing pictures created in your head do not belong to me they are your own fault and truthfuly they really aren't that bad unless you are. Ummm... That's all!

_Enjoy! _

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Harry was having a bad year and that was seriously understating it. As Harry often said to SmarterChild his life was a fucking shitty muffin… because for some reason SmarterChild hates the word "muffin". (And yes the author has tested the Muffin thing.) The worst thing currently in Harry's life was that manipulative bastard Dumbledore. Seriously he thought he knew the man and then he went all OOC and became a squealing fan-girl for Draco and a Manipulative Bastard to Harry.

What the hell was going on? It was like they were in one of those muggle crackfics Luna was so fond of…. And apparently the headmaster liked the Draco/Harry Yaoi ones because he has attempted to get Harry to marry Draco because he though it would be cute and he might be able to sneak peaks of hot passionate mansex. What the hell was wrong with him? Harry wasn't the only one who wanted to puke when they learned about that.

And now it was Christmas and Dumbledore wanted a present. Well Harry had just the present for him.

Harry turned to face the headmaster with an evil grin ignoring all of the other professors in the room. "Here Dumbledore this is for you." He said giving Dumbledore the finger, and he had even tied a little ribbon on it for him.

Snape scowled. "No no no Potter! That's all wrong!"

"What do you mean?" Harry asked.

"If you are going to do that you should do it properly!" said Severus "Like this!" Severus extended both middle fingers to the headmaster. "Otherwise the bastard will not get the point!"

"Oh! Ok!" Said Harry tying a bow onto his other middle finger and extending them both to the headmaster he shouted "DUMB MUFFIN FUCKING BASTARD!"

Tears welled up in Dumbledore's eyes as he broke down to cry.

"You have learned well, young Padawan." Severus said patting Harry's head.

"Thank you Master." Replied Harry, bowing.

Severus then escorted Harry out of the office.

"You like Star Wars Professor?"

"Yes, but don't mention any of that to Voldemort."

"Why?"

"Because then he will start trying to tell either you or I that he is our father… in my case again… and you have no idea how creepy it is when the dark lord sneaks up behind you and whispers 'Severus I am your father' in your ear. Especially thinking of who would have to be your mother…"

Harry and Severus both pause to twitch here because neither would like to think of Bellatrix as their mother.

"THAT'S JUST EEEEEEEWWWWWW!" said Harry.

"It is ewwwwww." Agreed Severus. Then he paused for a moment. "I think I know of a way to stop that though."

"What?"

"Harry I have to tell you the truth."

"What do you mean?"

"Harry I am your father."

"WHAT!?"

"It was all Lily's fault!" whined Severus.

"What do you mean?! I look like JAMES POTTER!!"

"Well of course you do he was your uh… father… too."

"WHAT!"

"Potions accident… or not really an accident… as I said it was all Lily's fault."

"What did she do?"

"Lily only wanted to have one kid, but she wanted to have both James's child and mine. So she found a potion that you could just throw an extra ingredient in at the end so that it would explode on us and make one of the victims pregnant. She didn't care about the chance that James or I could have ended up carrying the child. She just did it."

"Wait. A man can bear a child?"

"Yes, but only for powerful wizards."

"Umm… so who ended up preggers?"

Severus cackled evilly. "Let's just say Lily was really a Father."

"WHAT!?"

"Yep. James gave birth to you. You should have seen the look he gave Lily when he found out he was pregnant." Severus started laughing.

"Did she know that would happen?"

"Yes. She later admitted she knew that it was the most likely outcome. James wanted to kill her for that. She just laughed at him because the morning sickness stopped him."

"So should I still call her mum?"

"She and James both preferred it that way."

Harry looked at Severus with a smile. "My mum was an Evil Genius."

"That she was Harry… that she was…"

"What are you thinking about?"

"Your mother's evil cackle... James was Mediocre at best, Lily was AMAZING, and I was just below Lily…"

"Cool!"

"Harry?"

"Yes?"

"Would you cackle for me?"

"Sure. MWA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAA."

Severus had tears in his eyes. "I think I just moved to third. That was almost as good as your mothers." He suddenly hugged Harry. "I'm so proud of you! Lily would be too. Our little man has such a good evil cackle!"

"Thanks… Dads."

"You're welcome son… So wanna go put on some black robes like mine and storm the dungeon cackling!"

"Sure Dads!"

So Harry stormed the dungeon with Severus (Dads) and cackled evilly. Several first years passed out… Looks like Harry's life was going to get better.

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**AN:  
**Yeah Severus is dads, Lily is Either Mum or DadL, James is either MumJ or Dad.  
They used initials to keep it all straight.  
Hope you liked this!!


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